you start to question people's intentions in what they do. and you start to have to hide the fact that you're questioning their intentions. so no, we don't put on masks these days. we put on double masks. it's kind of like the concept of inception. we're all in a dream of a dream of a dream. and how far can we go before we start getting confused about which is the real world? and worse, how many masks can we hide behind before we forget who we really are?

it's amazing how we can spend hours talking about every other thing except whatever's on our mind. we invest so much of ourselves in things that don't count in the end. until it reaches the stage whereby those things we talk about to cover up whatever was really on our minds, starts to occupy our minds and BECOME all that's on our minds. so we get entangled in the superficial crap we talk about and in the role that we play. so we soon become the character we play.

which is sad.

but what scares me even more is that I seem to be the only one who feels this way. tell anyone this, and the response you get is "you think too much." oh really? so it's just me? so then I wonder why can't I just be like everyone else? why can't I just play my role properly and just be happy with talking and acting crap every day?

maybe this is the reason I'm so discontented with life. I keep searching from something real in this world. which is kind of impossible. because how do you search for truth in something that's just a great big mirage? how do you search for eternity in something that's just a transient and passing moment?

so I guess I already have the answer. I should stop looking. because I'm not going to find it here. not in this lifetime.

because we are but passing strangers in this place we call earth. just tourists here for a temporary visit. nobody's here to stay. so who are we to claim ownership over this world and try to make it deeper than it can ever be, when it was never ours to begin with?

don't you realise that when you go on tours, the more you expect from the trip, the more you will be disappointed? the more you just go with an empty mind, the more you can just take in whatever you get and enjoy yourself? like tourists visiting amusement parks and other man-made places of attraction, don't we all know these things are not real? but don't we just have fun and enjoy ourselves?

so stop waiting or looking for it anymore. it's not here. just take whatever you can get and give whatever you can give. and hopefully when we're done with our days in this place, the next place will be able to offer more of what we are yearning for.

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