firstly it felt good to sleep warm at night without having to wear 2 pairs of pants and 2 sweaters. but most importantly it felt good to live with friends and to be able to do things together.. like for once in this semester, I didn't have to sign into msn straight away after reaching home in order to feel less like a ghost.. for once I didn't have to eat dinner in my room in front of my computer watching Grey's/Glee/House.. for once I felt there was love and I wasn't just going back to a mini currie hall dormitory where neighbours minded their own business and ignored everybody else (except worse with the fact that there was no phone to call friends and u can't just trot down to their rooms when u're feeling lonely)..

but well I'm counting my blessings.. even though they're not in as close proximity as I wish, they've very been there for me.. and besides, I have to bear the consequences of my own stupidity and gullibility.. I have nobody to blame.. it just really brought home the realisation that 2 whole years of friendship and living together and seeing each other through the best and the worst can never ever be substituted by anybody or anything.. and I realise all that I've taken for granted when we were still all together..

but it's never too late..

so I just treasure the past 2 days and it'll be locked away somewhere in my memory.. for me to take out and look back into during the not so awesome times when the next semester begins.. and it'll put the smile back onto my face..

P.S. I love you, my friends..

so it's normal that during exams, and when you're trying to study and focus, the most distracting thing is NOT your computer, NOT facebook, NOT your friends and NOT any other thing but THOUGHTS themselves. yes THOUGHTS. not THOUGHTS about your studying of course. THOUGHTS about every other thing other than your study haha!

especially thoughts about people. thoughts of what they've done or not done (even the tiny little things that were probably insignificant), thoughts of what they're thinking in doing or not doing those things (even though all they may be thinking about is probably their studies)..

all those thoughts. when you probably never even crossed half their minds. and you're just like an idiot undergoing self-destruction haha! and what makes you even more idiotic is the fact that you know those are idiotic thoughts but for some reason they just keep their ass firmly stuck to the base of your mind refusing to budge.

but it was oh-so-comforting when my friend told me "YEA YEA YEA!! I KNOW!!" omigoodness it never felt so good to know that you're not a nutcase.

but well I've got to say, this semester, maybe due to the lack of dramas, it's been a rather quiet studying period in my mind. the "background thoughts" as my friend calls it, have been rather well self-contained. clap clap. no drama is good. your "background thoughts" have less things to feed on.

anyway. 3 papers over. 2 more to go. then I can take a break. although I must say this semester has been really one long break-but-because-we're-in-the-middle-of-the-sem-so-I-must-study-bits-and-pieces-while-I-just-keeping-having-fun-and-taking-breaks. the only time I did realy serious studying was like the past 2 weeks.

but yea even the past 2 weeks, studying had to be shared with the "background thoughts' which were still very much present, albeit much toned-down.

zzzzzzzzz.