Saturday, January 30, 2010 - 11:46 AM
let's talk about faeces.
have you ever met some people who are so full of shit that everytime you talk to them, you feel like a toilet bowl? like someone once told me: some people are so full of shit that they are oozing shit from every single pore. haha! don't mean to be bitchy really but I'm really amazed sometimes, you know. it takes talent to be so FOS! oh come on, admit it. no matter how angelic you are, I'm sure you've met people who make you wonder in absolute bemusement, "why in the world am I even talking to him/her? note to self, avoid all possible forms of contact in future." but no we're not always successful in avoiding being splattered with a pile of organic waste.
and it's even funny sometimes. to see them try so hard! try so hard to find an outlet. try so hard to find a toilet bowl. and you want to laugh. and it comes to the point when a mere mention of his/her name to a friend brings an immediate reaction of, "ok I don't have a good feeling about this. nothing good ever comes out of him/her." and then laughter.
you see? you don't even find the need to bitch about them. I mean, who ever finds the need to bitch about shit? yea, we love bitching. we bitch about the weather, we bitch about transport that is taking too long to come, we bitch about dirty toilets and people who don't clean up properly after themselves and don't flush. but we don't actually bitch about the shit itself right?
what's funnier about these people, is their desperate attempts to cover up. shape it all up and hopefully nobody sees their oozing pores. then they walk around, talk to people, confident that nobody knows, oblivious to the fact that they're making an ugly trail on the floor.
ok I've kind of gradually lost my train of thoughts. you see? even if you try to, you can't bitch about shit for long.
in case you're wondering whether I'm talking about you, here's this: if you're wondering, then yea you're probably one of them. so just let me bring to your attention that you can stop making your life difficult by trying to cover up with that failing attempt at "angelism". it's too painfully obvious so please cut yourself some slack and save your efforts.
thank you very much.
Thursday, January 28, 2010 - 10:32 AM
a desperate plea for help
what do you do when you don't know what to do?
I wonder how I managed to get over those previous cases. I can't even remember how it was like anymore. what did I do? how many times did I cry, think I got over, then cry again, then think I got over, then cry again. until the cycle slowly faded away. why does this time feel so difficult? everytime when I'm about to let go, something stops me. and I'll make a desperate grab for that last thread. is it really more difficult than before? or have I just forgotten how painful it was in the past?
and I don't know who to tell anymore. because even I'm tired of listening to myself, much less the rest of the world. and it's really bad. because I just lapse into spontaneous-tearing episodes once every now and then. I guess it's so sad to see what this has become. what we have become. was it my fault? I really don't know. what I do know. is that familiar tightness in my chest again. and I get the feeling like I can't breathe properly. then I realise my clogged up nose from the backflow of tears I'm trying to control.
maybe it's due to the memories. which is what's different. before, there were no memories to speak of. it was just me me me all the way. but then now, there were quite a number of "us". until he suddenly decided to abandon me in antartica. ok sorry. bad, lousy analogy. what I meant was until he suddenly decided to cold shoulder me. forgive the bad analogy but that was really what it felt like. a moment there was someone caring for me, concerned about my life and everything, and then it was gone. like some magic trick you know. now you see it, now you don't.
and somehow I feel it's my fault. but I don't even know what? maybe he thinks I'm taking him for granted? maybe I wasn't there when I should have been? maybe I shouldn't have fallen sick? maybe I shouldn't have done a million things that I did? or maybe I should have done a million things that I didn't do? oh my goodness. what should I do?
and I thought ok maybe I'll stop being a watcher and waiter and start being a doer. so I stood up and tried. pokety poke. but then what I got felt like a splash of water on paper. so what do I do now? do you continue to clap even when the other hand is no longer there?
I don't want to be sad anymore. life's too short for that. but how do I get out of this? what do I do now that I've followed from my tropical rainforest to antartica? and now he's nowhere in sight. I don't know where to go.
can you tell me? can you help me?
somebody?
anybody.
Friday, January 22, 2010 - 3:50 PM
Patient presents as a case of severe stupidity.
for a species as evolutionally advanced as us, you'd expect us to act with more intelligence. but no. once and again. we prove the ultimate stupidity of the human race. we comment and make fun of hamsters for their absent memory span and their constant ridiculous ability to run in that stupid wheel that leads them nowhere. but guess what? we do exactly that.
so yea. discovery of the century: we have the intelligence level of freaking mice.
that explains our fascination with things like the carousel. how interesting is it to sit on a stupid plastic horse that moves up and down and turn rounds. each time you pass the same spot you stupidly wave to the same people standing at the exact same spot the last time you passed it. as if you're seeing them for the first time.
we like to pretend there's something new happening when it's just the same old sequence repeating itself. like some spoilt record stuck in the player.
we're just stupidly going through the same old routine trying to find something new out of it each time. oh come on. stop kidding yourself ok?
let me be honest. I'm probably one of the worst cases of severe stupidity. and the fact that that's still the case even though I'm so aware just further proves the point. oh mann. ULTIMATE STUPIDITY. that's why I'm such a trainwreck.
my stupid shit ass heart just loves to act smart and whip out its spade to dig its own freaking grave.