Thursday, December 31, 2009 - 12:53 AM
I turn to you
I keep listening to Note To God. and the more I listen, the more it hits me. hard in the face. and I keep questioning. where are You? can You stop all the pain? can You come and tell me that everything is going to be alright?
you know. it's that feeling. like your shoulders have become the heaviest things in the world. no you can't just say "you can't do anything so don't think too much about it" and just watch on. not when it involves a part of you. I guess you can when it's someone else's. but not when it's your own.
there's so much anger in me I don't even know how to express it. it's like I've resigned myself to this fate. but yet I'm angry that I have to. I want to fight back. but I don't have the strength anymore. and this would only be a losing battle. because our fate was never ours to choose. and you know what? you can never fight the injustice of fate. you can only suffer it. and hope that one day. one day. it might be different.
cruel, isn't it? it pains to even watch a stray cat writhing in pain on the corner of the dark alley. much more to see a fellow human being. someone you love so dearly. you wish you could be the shield. you wish you could take their place and be the one suffering instead. but no. you were fated to watch.
watch and feel the pain of it all. on top of the pain of being able to do absolutely NOTHING.
that's the wonderful world You created. go figure.
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