Sunday, October 18, 2009 - 4:26 PM
How are you?
when you ask "how are you?", are you really interested to know? or are you just expecting an answer of "everything's fine!"? when you get "not so good" as a reply, do you give an inward groan of annoyance? so there comes the million dollar question, to ask or not to ask?
I guess it's an art. to discern who really wants to know and who is just acting like they want to know. all part of an art known as interpersonal relationships. otherwise known as socialising.
so after sometime, it gets obvious. and you learn what kind of things different people want to hear. and you adapt your speech, including what you say and your tone and even body language to suit what the other party wants to see and wants to hear. no problem.
but then once in awhile, they actually look genuinely interested in what's going on in your life. and that line gets a bit blurred. and you feel, even if it's purely on the basis of socialising and having a conversation topic slightly more meaningful than the weather, that maybe you can just give a brief summary of certain more interesting things that has happened in your life. even if it's merely for the sake of some gossip.
little do you know. that in their little minds, a whirlpool of displeasure has started. all stemming from the fact that nope, they would rather you have just said you're doing great and then move on to talk about the weather. and that all they wanted, in that apparently sincere and concerned "How has things been?", was an AGENDA.
AGENDA:
1. Make myself feel that I've done my best in being interested in other people's lives and problems.
2. Make myself feel good that I went out of my way to be concerned for other people.
3. God likes it when we care for one another so make God happy that I am doing exactly that.
4. And so just to make sure I fulfill agenda 3, if I had to choose what problems I'd like to hear about, preferably it'll be something concerning that.
ooook. nice.
but well nothing wrong here. the world was built this way anyway. no problems at all. just all part of the learning process. and we should all aim to be nice people. so we should make each other happy. so perhaps it makes some people happy to feel that they've been caring and concerned about other people's lives, yet don't want to be actually burdened by any knowledge about other people's lives.
solution to that: always reply their 'how-are-you's with a nice big summer-sun sort of bright smile and a "oh it's alright! how about you?"
oh and you can start talking about the weather if you like.
Friday, October 9, 2009 - 6:42 PM
when enough is really enough
I've had enough. really. I'm worth much more than that. I've finally managed to understand that the grass is not always greener on the other side. I have an immense pride thing. it won't get in the way of saying sorry for something which I feel I have really made a mistake in. but it makes me absolutely UNWILLING to short change myself and settle for anything less than I deserve. but I have a "feel bad" syndrome too. as much as I want to, I can't become a bitch. a half-hearted bitch maybe.. but I can't bring myself to be a downright bitch. so sometimes, I inevitably just become a tool to boost people's egos.. no way is that going to happen again. I will not NOT NOT NOT settle for being treated in way that's less than I deserve. and there's no reason why I have to feel bad for wanting to be treated well.
there's no space to be unsure anymore. I must know what I want. Know what I don't want. and move on. I'm not going to sit here and stupidly let you mess around with me while the world around me continues ahead and leaves me behind. Hell, no. until you've learnt to put your life properly in order and decided that I'm someone worth treasuring, I'm not staying around and wasting my time.
I say it once. I say it twice. I say it a million times. I am not a toy.
thank you.
Friday, October 2, 2009 - 12:29 PM
supposed to be studying
yep I'm really supposed to be studying.. considering the fact that I'm so far behind and there's our end sem exam next tuesday.. but can I take a break? please please please? ok, no problem.
shit has happened this sem.. the kind of things I never thought I would have to deal with.. but just thought about it last night.. you know what? I don't regret any bit of it.. I mean everything happened for a reason.. and I've already began to see the light at the end of all these mess.. I realised why You let it happen.. it's almost like a response to all those times when I've complained and whined to You about things I don't have.. so now You've let me see that things I don't have are not necessarily always as wonderful as they seem.. good thing. and I also learnt how much I value my personal time and space and freedom as much as I like company.. yep it's a very fine line there..
anyway, I was recently introduced to Glee.. and to be honest, I actually like it.. and I really love Lea Michele's version of take a bow.. it's the emo version.. and I have been desperately trying to sing in this song in the emo mode.. difficult.. someone suggested I get some training by trying to sing boom boom pow in a emo version.. then I'll have no prob with take a bow. hahaha!
but anyway.. makes me want to become a broadway actress!! hahaha! ok another wish to make to my wishing star.. that in this lifetime, I can perform in a musical! =)
ok ok think this is where the dreaming should pause and studying should continue.